Tiger Woods

I hear other golfers on the PGA tour are trying to contact Tiger's wife to find out which club it takes to beat Tiger.

After the accident Tiger called 1st: his attorney, 2nd: his agent, 3rd: Kobe Bryant's Jeweler.

This was no accident; the whole thing is a Nike Ad for a new "rescue" club.

Apparently the police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. She said "I don't know exactly… but put me down for a 5."

Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole-in-one.

What's the difference between his car and his golf ball? Tiger can drive a golf ball 400 yards.

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing.

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.

What do Tiger Woods and a seal have in common? They have both been clubbed by a Scandinavian.

A Tiger Woods Christmas

Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house
Tiger Woods came a flyin', chased by his spouse.
She weilded a nine iron and wasn't too merry,
Cause a bimbo's phone number was in his Blackberry.

He'd been cheatin' on Elin and the story progressed.
Woman after woman stepped up and confessed.
He'd been cheating with Holly and Jaime and Cori,
With Jocselyn and Kalicka, The world had the story.

From the top of the Tour, to the basement of blues,
Tiger's sad sordid tale was all over the news.
With Hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex,
When not in their pants, he was sending them texts.

Despite all his cryin' and beggin' and pleadin'
Tiger's wife went investin' -
A new home in Sweden.

And I heard her exclaim from her white Escalade,"If you getting laid, then I'm gettin paid!"
She is not pouting, in fact, she's of jolly good cheer,
Her prenup made Christmas come early this year.

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these b***hes would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

I thought /this was just awesome


Newly linked,
but if it dies again, google Tiger Woods Billy D Williams Collectors Plate video.

A man goes out golfing. He is on the second hole when ee notices a frog sitting next to the green.

He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron."

The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.
Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron."

He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.

Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing.
You must be a lucky frog."

The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."

The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.

"What do you think frog?" the man asks.

"Ribbit 3 wood."

The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one.

The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say.

By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas ."

" They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?"

The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette."

Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, "What do you think I should bet?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6."
Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck.

Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across
The table.

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel.

He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."

The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me."

He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it.

With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous girl.

"And that is how the girl ended up in my room Elin. So help me God or my name is not Tiger Woods."

whats the difference between tiger woods and santa claus? santa stops after 3 ho's

a lion would never cheat on his wife, but a tiger wood

a lady in the streets, a tiger in the sheets